Today was my day off and I had scheduled my morning for HOT YOGA. I had such a great class on Wednesday! I was hoping that since I was going in the morning that I would be super energized from a good nights rest.
I felt like I started the class super strong... feeling awesome... and then... only a few minutes into the class.. I start to feel very dizzy. I accept it and lay flat on the floor facing the back wall and try to focus on my breath. I feel like the fog passes and get back up slowly... the next thing I know I'm focusing on the instructors voice and must have blacked out! The next thing I remember is her standing in front of me asking me if I was ok... I tell her I need to lay down. As I lay down and try my everything to focus, I can see her look me in the eyes and tell me to relax and that everything was going to be ok.
The instructor then poured ICE COLD WATER on both of my wrists, my ankles, and hair.... The tears flowed out but it all felt like a very good thing. I have no words for it yet but I know they will come. I tried my very hardest to keep it together while at the same time giving into the feeling.
A few minutes passed and the instructor brought me some coconut water... on any other day I think this stuff taste horrendous!!! Today.... today this amazing natural water tasted like MAGIC! I drank it slowly while sitting up trying to get myself together to stand again.
Now before I say what happens next I want you to know a little something about me.... there are some things that I do that once I put my mind to them... I DO NOT GIVE UP! A lot of them have to do with running and working out... If I say I'm going to do a certain amount of numbers during a run... for the most part... you can bet that those miles will get done! If you give me some crazy set of work out to do... i will give it my all to get it done to the best of my ability!
The goal in hot yoga is to stay in the room... I assume your not supposed to die either but that is up for question! My absolute goal for the class was to stay in that hot and steamy room for 90 minutes. I would do the best that I could with each move and as long as I was there... I DID IT!
Ok so lets go back to the class... I've just drank the coco water and tell myself its time to get up. The second I do realize that there is no way that I am going to be able to stand for more than a minute without passing out. I swear I die a little inside.... I was going to have to lay back down and face the back wall and all these people were going to watch me fail....
These were my initial thoughts... I knew right away they were my old thoughts and that I needed to relax and follow my breath.... there was probably a good hour left in the class... I remembered that the ultimate goal is just to stay in the class... and so I took a deep breath and changed my negative thoughts to positive ones.... I stopped judging myself and started loving myself for being so strong and brave! This was my 4th class in a week! I was doing the best I could do.... today the best i could do was lay flat and feel the energy of everyone in the room supporting me.
Its funny how the second I started to tell myself how proud I was of myself how suddenly I could feel everyone in the room tell me the same thing. I could feel the "you can do it" and "don't give up" coming from the energy in the room. It was LOVE and I gave myself permission to receive it!
Our mind is so powerful. The fight to lay on that floor for an hour and face my own personal demons was a challenge. I had to surrender to the moment and just let it be. I had to accept myself and love myself in a position and situation that did not sit right with me. I had to use the energy of the room and the instructor and the experience to focus and pull through and LET GO!
I will tell you that once I did I was able to feel love from within me. A new warm feeling that I know I do not let myself tap into enough. That will change. I am changing. I am changing and I love it =)
I was very emotional at the end of the class. The instructor gave me a huge hug after the class and sort of let me break down for a minute. It felt so much like when I hit the wall in my marathon! I could remember I had told myself that I did my best and if i was going to get "swept away" for running too slow then I was going to have to try again next year... but I KNEW I was going to have a pair of MICKEY EARS.... it was after I believed with all my heart that those ears were mine that I ran over a bridge and saw my sister standing there waiting to help me finish the race strong!
To this day I'm not sure I would have made it across that finish line without the support of my sister. I believe life gives you exactly what you need when you need it most.... this is the magic of life!
Breath-taking <3
Peace and Love
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